How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with Our Adult Children

Week of January 8, 2022

In the ten years post high school our children often follow a scenic road to adulthood. At least before COVID, they did. This decade is filled with personal exploration, traveling, alternating between career training and school, changing relationships frequently or having none at all. Our Children vary between being very adult and very dependent. Soon enough, many of the children have jobs, then families, or maybe they don’t.

 

We are constantly told to let go, but we don’t want to. We’ve had too many sleepless nights and put in too much time and energy. When children are older, popular wisdom advises parents to let go, disconnect, and bite their tongues. Increasing life spans mean that parents and children can spend as many as five or six decades as adults together: letting go is not a desired option for many families.

 

Dr. Ruth Nemzoff–a leading expert in family dynamics–empowers parents to create close relationships with their adult children, while respecting their independence. The challenges of parent and adult offspring relationships are part and parcel of a healthy family dynamic.

 

This interactive talk will cover such topics as:

• How can I express my concerns about finances or career decisions without sounding controlling or judgmental?
• What can I do to maintain close relationships with my children at long distances?
• Should I express my true feelings about my child’s lifestyle choices?
• Is it possible to show constructive concern for adult children without stifling them?
  • Speak up when disapproving of an adult child’s partner or child rearing practices
  • Navigate an adult child’s inter-religious, interracial or homosexual union

 

 

Why would I ever want to make in-laws into family?
If you want to have a good relationship with your adult child, it’s much easier when you have good relationships with their significant other and their parents. Sometimes it’s really hard to find something you love about this person who may become the parent of your grandchildren or may be picking your nursing home. We’ll discuss strategies for finding that sweet spot.

As for their parents, it may be hard to love them, but you may find yourself living in a two-room apartment caring for a newborn while the mother recovers in the hospital. You might as well figure out a way to find something in common with them. Dr. Ruth Nemzoff explains the emotional factors that make in-law relationships difficult, and offers tips on how to overcome those hurdles and maintain positive, lasting bonds. This can be a guide for anyone looking to gracefully navigate the issues that arise between in-laws in today’s modern families.

 

Grandparenting in a Pandemic: A Conversation for Grandparents
Long-distance grandparenting has always been a challenge. Coronavirus has made it a whole lot harder – even for grandparents who live down the block. Add to this the complexity of being a grandparent in an intra- or interfaith family. But there are also some new opportunities to connect even more deeply – if we take advantage of them. For some of us, this might be a great opportunity to tell holiday stories to our entertainment-starved grandkids. For others, this is a time to really set aside differences and build trust with our family and in-laws.

No matter what generation you are in, I think you will find some new ideas to help your family’s relationships in these talks.
Ideas For Grandparenting During The Covid-19 Crisis

 

Dr. Ruth Nemzoff, author of Don’t Roll Your Eyes: Making In-Laws into Family (Palgrave/ Mcmillan) and  Don’t Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with Your Adult Children (Palgrave/Mcmillan), is an affiliated scholar at the Brandeis Women’s Studies Research Center. She holds a doctorate in social policy from Harvard University, an MA in counseling from Columbia University and BA from Barnard College. Her papers are archived at the Schlesinger Library at Harvard University.

She has given over 400 talks around the world on family relationships and has written columns for The Huffington Post, The American Israelite, and The Forward. The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Deseret News have all quoted her expertise. She has four adult children, four in-law children, and eleven grandchildren ranging from ages three to twenty one.

Her website is ruthnemzoff.com