When Trauma Hides in Plain Sight: A Q&A with Dr. Julie Lopez

Trauma doesn’t always arrive with sirens and headlines. Sometimes it hides in our habits, our self-criticism, what we say looking in a mirror, and the quiet patterns we can’t seem to change. I recently had the chance to talk with trauma specialist and author Dr. Julie Lopez to explore these hidden links. In this Q&A, she explains how trauma, both big and small, can quietly shape our behaviors, relationships, and sense of self without us even realizing it. With a science-based, compassionate lens, she offers practical ways to decode trauma-informed behavior and what the body is really telling us so we can begin to feel free. She recently spent a week with us presenting 5 Essential Elements of Transformation workshop series where I had a chance to talk with her..

A lot of your work touches on trauma. For many of us, that word can feel scary and heavy, or we associate it only with extreme events like accidents or physical harm. How do you define trauma and how does it quietly “hide” in our everyday habits and lives?

Big T Trauma is any experience in which we feel a true, overwhelming threat to life or safety. But there is a continuum, and many little t traumas impact our nervous system the same way. One example is chronic neglect. It can even be normalized (parents who are alcoholic, workaholic or emotionally unavailable) but the same internal adaptive mechanisms from Big T Trauma experiences will be evident in the body and the coping behaviors will be present too: perfectionism, struggles with intimacy, avoidance, hypervigilance, etc…  Everyday habits may include compulsive activities like shopping, binge watching, gambling, drinking, gaming, etc., or having disproportionate reactions to present-day occurrences – excessive worry, anger or regret.

The danger of these reactions “hiding” is that over time, most people start feeling badly about themselves… why do I keep putting off important conversations? Why am I constantly shopping instead of cooking fresh meals? How come I keep getting poor sleep?  I have different aspirations for my life, but why do I keep repeating the same patterns?  Concluding that one is broken or a failure is not the right answer!  There is a different way to understand the body and work with it to avoid a life of regret.

Our bodies are incredibly sophisticated systems, beyond the most complex AI or robotic models currently developed.  And we are intimately built to survive and adapt on a cellular level to any disappointments or hurts that life throws our way.

Although my training and expertise is in “trauma” (and addictions) what I have come to understand is that any time there is avoidance, regret or an illogical experience of feeling stuck it stems from an outdated internal (and brilliant!) adaptation to a prior sub optimal condition – on a deep level our incredible bodies always do the same thing regardless of level of disappointment.  

As a trauma expert, I do tend to see the human condition through a “trauma-informed” lens, meaning our human system will always default to any course of action (conscious or unconscious) that it has learned to be most adaptive and not because of a defect.

We often think the brain is in charge and holds all our memories, but the body has its own way of remembering. At The Ranch, guests sometimes have emotionally freeing experiences during yoga, massage, or Water Flow Therapy. What’s happening in those moments?

Yes!!! It’s actually our nervous system, which includes the brain and spinal cord, that sends trillions of signals to our bodies every moment.  Our cells, our mitochondria, and our synapses are communicating all the time.  When emotionally freeing experiences occur, it is because the practitioner and the practices they use are accessing one of those outdated codes and using a “language” the body understands (sensory and visceral) to communicate that a more present-day, adaptive option is available.  The body will always choose that!  It releases the old code, which feels freeing, and absorbs the new present-day ideal adaptation.  

You talk about people being “stuck.” What does that mean in a nervous-system sense? How can we recognize our own stuck-ness, and how can we support our friends or colleagues when we sense they may be stuck too? They may need different approaches.

When it comes to the nervous system, reading or speaking to it, or offering new data, will not work.  It’s the wrong “language”.  So, people study a book like Bessel Van Der Kolk’s seminal work, The Body Keeps the Score, and they understand the science of change, but will not experience the change itself.  The body keeps doing what it thinks it needs to do to adapt and survive. Creating experiences that feel like Groundhog Day – looping with the same behaviors and responses that don’t allow for embracing the optimal life and true potential waiting for them.

The language that really moves the needle uses no words.  And we now have incredibly sophisticated tools and techniques that capitalize on that language to get incredible results quickly.

I use a quick 3-question prompt to help people identify when deeper hidden codes are keeping them repeating behaviors that lead to regret or missed opportunity.

1) Do you truly want to accomplish something?

2) Do you know how to accomplish that thing?

3) Do you have the ability to accomplish it?  

If you answered yes to those 3 things but don’t ever do the thing you desire, it is a sign that deeper forces are at play that need that different language.  You can use this same 3-question approach to empower others.  

For friends or colleagues, understanding how getting stuck works or even that there are many, many different approaches (a lot are offered at The Ranch) that don’t base change in talk (wrong language) but are anchored in the most effective “language” that the body really responds to.  My book Live Empowered speaks to this – with a helpful table at the back listing many options for non-talk-based approaches to move the needle. I also have an empowering action-oriented program called The Breakthrough Academy that teaches so many ways to get unstuck.  It enables transformation to be fast and effective because it’s built on what works.  It is based entirely on the science of implicit memory, which creates full internal alignment regardless of our differences.

When I feel stuck, I often become my own harshest critic, and that never seems to help. How do I shift my inner conversation from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What is my body telling me, and how can I support it?

Your experience is a common one.  Without a full appreciation for the science of how adaptive our bodies are, many people become confused about what is actually happening.  And then get frustrated when their bodies aren’t responding to the intellectual logic-based commands that we give them. When we speak the right “language,” we truly get the right results.  I believe knowledge is power, and learning how to decode what our bodies tell us, understand the language of how to respond, and then experience results is the most compelling teacher. It actually makes that shift easy and obvious.

Longevity isn’t just about how long we live, but how much ease we experience while living. For someone who feels constantly “on edge,” what’s a gentle next step toward feeling safer and more at home in their body?

I couldn’t agree more – QUALITY!!!!

When I hear “on edge,” I think that person’s system is scanning for danger.  Somehow, their system has “learned” that this is needed to stay alive and live life well.  Even if they can logically see on their aura ring that they are often experiencing an unhealthy level of stress, if their nervous system thinks it’s needed, it will be very hard to change or override.

There are levels of tools in this area – I’m going to share some basic-level opportunities because maybe that’s all that is needed. But it’s important to note that the options available go far beyond basic.

Example:  – A physical issue with the shoulder could be solved with low-level intervention, but may require surgery depending on the root cause and current presentation. If you start with reading and learning about shoulder anatomy, and if making a postural change helps, GREAT!  If not, you might watch some videos on exercises to help – if they do – great!  But if not, you could always go see a PT for a more expert assessment.  They may give you custom exercises or say, “Wow, you need to see a surgeon.”

The Butterfly Hug for self-soothing

Here is a classic – it’s called the butterfly hug and uses bilateral stimulation to calm the nervous system and viscerally communicate feelings of safety.  You cross your arms in front of your chest and tap the left and right shoulder one after the other at the cadence that feels best for you.  It will communicate safety to your system. Note that it cannot override environmental realities if you are truly unsafe.

Dr. Julie Lopez is an award-winning clinician, entrepreneur, and court-recognized Humans System Expert with more than 30 years of experience helping people create meaningful, lasting change. Known for her relatable style and science-based approach, she often reminds audiences that what feels like magic is actually science.

A trusted advisor to leaders ranging from Senators and Olympians to Emmy winners and elite entrepreneurs, Dr. Julie specializes in helping individuals achieve rapid, full-system balance. Her work focuses on four prosperity pathways; health, wealth, time, and relationships, supporting people to live with greater ease and purpose.

Dr. Julie is the author of Live Empowered, a sought-after keynote speaker, retreat leader, and a longtime presenter at Rancho La Puerta, where she has led transformative workshops. Her work is endorsed by global thought leaders including Gabor Maté and Nancy Verrier. Learn more at drjulielopez.com.